When I’m an Old Lady! February 25, 2007

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I’ll bounce on the furniture…wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud ’til the end of the day!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”

God Bless All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere!

Women always lie for a reason… (too cute) February 25, 2007

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,

 

 

 

 

 

 

her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared

 

 

 

 

and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and

 

 

 

 

that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their

 

 

 

 

family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble

 

 

 

 

set with pearls. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “No.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed

 

 

 

 

with sapphires. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord reached down again and came up with a simple leather thimble.

 

 

 

 

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “Yes.”

 

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The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three

 

 

 

 

thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the

 

 

 

 

riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the

 

 

 

 

water. When the seamstress cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked

 

 

 

 

her, “Why are you crying?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yes!” cried the seamstress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a

 

 

 

 

misunderstanding.

 

 

 

 

You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up

 

 

 

 

with

 

 

 

 

Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my

 

 

 

 

husband.

 

 

 

 

Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not

 

 

 

 

in the

 

 

 

 

best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands,

 

 

 

 

so

 

 

 

 

THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to George Clooney.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so the Lord let her keep him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and

 

 

 

 

honorable reason, and is always in the best interest of others.

 

 

 

 

That’s our

 

 

 

 

story, and we’re sticking to it.