When I’m an Old Lady! February 25, 2007

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I’ll bounce on the furniture…wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,
I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,
I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud ’til the end of the day!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,
I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”

God Bless All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere!

Women always lie for a reason… (too cute) February 25, 2007

One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,

 

 

 

 

 

 

her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared

 

 

 

 

and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and

 

 

 

 

that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their

 

 

 

 

family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble

 

 

 

 

set with pearls. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “No.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed

 

 

 

 

with sapphires. “Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Again, the seamstress replied, “No.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord reached down again and came up with a simple leather thimble.

 

 

 

 

“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “Yes.”

 

< BR>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three

 

 

 

 

thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the

 

 

 

 

riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the

 

 

 

 

water. When the seamstress cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked

 

 

 

 

her, “Why are you crying?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yes!” cried the seamstress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a

 

 

 

 

misunderstanding.

 

 

 

 

You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up

 

 

 

 

with

 

 

 

 

Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my

 

 

 

 

husband.

 

 

 

 

Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not

 

 

 

 

in the

 

 

 

 

best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands,

 

 

 

 

so

 

 

 

 

THAT’S why I said ‘yes’ to George Clooney.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so the Lord let her keep him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and

 

 

 

 

honorable reason, and is always in the best interest of others.

 

 

 

 

That’s our

 

 

 

 

story, and we’re sticking to it.

 

*Why we LOVE Mom!* January 20, 2007

I received this in an email and just had to share!

* WHY I LOVE MOM *

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed”

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches.

Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.

She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, “I thought you were going to bed.”

“I’m on my way,” she said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV’s, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to bed.”

And he did…without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer…?

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL….. (and we can’t die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)

Send this to five phenomenal women today…they’ll love you for it! I just did.

THEN, GO TO BED!

Oklahoma State Trooper January 19, 2007

In most of the United States , there is a policy of checking on any
stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still  running.

Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper
walked to the driver’s door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with  a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift in to ‘drive’ and hit the gas. The car’s speedometer was showing 20- 30- 40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to
the speeding, but still stationary car. The driver was totally freaked,
thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about
30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled at the man to ‘Pull over!’
The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from Mobile,Alabama was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour. Who says Oklahoma Troopers don’t have a sense of
humor??

I had no idea a man could run that fast ~!!!~!!  hic cup!